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Divorce Tips

We’ve drawn from our years of experience in people through the process, and developed these bits of divorce advice:

If possible, don’t litigate

Once you ask a judge to make decisions, you surrender control. You’ll also likely be giving money to a lawyer that you could keep for yourself. Go to court only if all else fails. Alternatives include negotiation, mediation, settlement conferences and more. Litigation costly and emotion-churning.
Stay focused

Don’t let your emotions get in the way of practical realities. Remain focused finishing the divorce so you get on with your life. There should always be clear connections between what you feel you should be doing and achieving an equitable resolution of your case.
Get your priorities straight

You’ll find that as you go through the divorce process, your opinion about what’s important changes. Review your priorities regularly, especially with someone you can confide in, so that you stay clear about what matters. 
Stay flexible about getting things

Compromise is the key to an equitable divorce. If you can join in a reasonable degree of give-and-take, you’re likelier to come through the process feeling better. You may still harbor some lingering bad feelings, but trying to be fair will, in the long run, contribute to a better self-image.
Get an education

Knowledge is indispensible. Learn about your state’s divorce laws, so you know what to anticipate and can be prepared for it. This eases the divorce process for you’ll know “next steps.”

Learn how to structure things realistically

Every divorce has potential stumbling blocks. You should be prepared to deal with certain things in order accords and maintain equilibrium. Here are some examples:

Protect your children: Involving children directly in a divorce will upset them as much as their parents. Keep them as far from the divorce as possible. Be truthful and straightforward about it, but don't discuss details either with them or in front of them.  Especially do not let them hear you argue or criticize their other parent. Let them know you love them and will always be there for them, regardless of what happens between you and your ex-spouse. Let your children know you both love them and will always be their mother and father, no matter what happens between you.

Protect yourself. In the following order, here are the most important things: The safety and stability of yourself and your children, maintaining your workaday job, and obligations to your spouse. If you and your children are not safe, don't even try to do anything else until you are. You can't negotiate anything in a separation or divorce if you don't feel safe, know where you will live and how you will eat.

If possible, agree on temporary arrangements. The best thing, if possible, is to avoid attorneys and court orders. You can begin with an agreement that you and your spouse will act fairly, with a goal of minimizing upsets. It can take a long time to work out all the details of settling the affairs of marriage.  You will get through them sooner if you can be cooperative in the face of stressful situations.

Protect your assets

You may need to consider taking physical possession of certain assets during the time you are separated, before the divorce becomes final. Try to control assets that could be liquidated by your spouse, including precious gems and stones, other collectibles, cash, and bearer bonds. You should also consider: (1) protecting your own credit rating by closing joint cards and by blocking your spouse's access to other joint credit such as a home equity loan, (2) closing joint bank accounts, (3) changing the name on utility and other bills, and (4) where possible, spending your spouse's assets first, your joint assets next, and finally your own assets.

Keep in mind that in some cases, you can modify your divorce decree if things change

If at some point the terms of your divorce are no longer fair to you, you can petition the court to modify your decree. Most courts will do this if the you can show that circumstances have changed materially—such as a loss of income or a remarriage by the party receiving support.

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